Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize