I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
