Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
