What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
