it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
