I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
