You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
