He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
