Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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