I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
