We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
