sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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