my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
