My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
