I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
