I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My cat gives me a boner
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize