I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
