I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
