I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
