fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
