Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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