Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
