I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
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