I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
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