When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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