i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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