I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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