my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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