so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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