Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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