Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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