im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The best revenge is premature balding
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
