Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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