i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
