Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
