Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
