If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
