i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
