I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
