11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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