not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
