It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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