I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize