i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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