May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
