If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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