Can i not drive my cunt home
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
