you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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