Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
