Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
