She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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