Operation Purity has been aborted
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
