my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
