i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
