escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
