I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize