I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
