You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
