forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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