Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
