I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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