I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize