and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
