hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
