i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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