Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
