im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
