I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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