I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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