I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
