I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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