it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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