you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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