3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
