those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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