Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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