Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
