she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
