you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
