Girls should come with a carfax report
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
