Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
