I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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