Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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