her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
