why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
