Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
