Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
