PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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