I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
