Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
