my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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