why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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