I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
