if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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