dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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