I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
