He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
