she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
