So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
