Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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