It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
