Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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