hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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