I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
