why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
