Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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