WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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