Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
